A Bad Day

Have you felt like a spectator to your own life? Lately I have. I have been acting in a way that I don't understand and experiencing feelings that I can't fully explain and the part of me that's living it probably has less of a clue than the part of me watching. I think I have also been a bit of a nightmare to know as I seem to spend a lot of time withdrawn from myself and therefore also from others. However, I am quite good at hiding this and pretending that everything is ok. I can be laughing and joking to the outside world while feeling like curling into a ball and crying on the inside. Deep down I know the cause of a lot of this and I know I am over-reacting, being melodramatic and probably just need a good kick up the arse. The biggest issue I have with myself is that I seem to hurt the people I care about the most and for this I am truly sorry. The feeling of detachment leads me to doubt myself and others around me and therefore to say and do things that I don't mean. Today, I have been having a bad day. One of those when I really shouldn't have bothered with the getting up and getting dressed business, let alone communicating or mixing with others. If you have had the misfortune to come into contact with me today, please excuse my mood and my miserable face and to those I have upset today, I am sorry.