Merry Christmas

Very short post to wish all of my readers a very Merry Christmas. I hope you all have a fabulous day.

Lisa xx

Avatar

I don't know what I expected from Avatar. I have heard and read many positive reviews and people seem to enjoy it so we thought we'd give it a go.

I don't usually go to the cinema with any more expectation than to be entertained and taken elsewhere for a couple of hours and Avatar did not disappoint in this respect. Despite being a little long (running time of around 2.5 hours and a finish time of 1.30am for us!) I was thoroughly entertained and found the world of Pandora to be both beautiful and enchanting.

This is the first film I have seen in 3D at the cinema. I have never really been attracted by 3D before and only bothered this time as I kept reading that Avatar 'had to be seen in 3D', but if I am honest I don't think 3D is truly necessary. Granted, I didn't see on IMAX, but I doubt the film would be any less visually spectacular in standard view and get the feeling that the 3D was a bit of a distraction which added very little to my enjoyment and left me with a nagging headache behind the eyes. The film's special effects are amazing and the imagery and concept of Pandora and its inhabitants and wildlife are stunning and I don't believe they would be any less so in standard view.

The film's story is formulaic and reminiscent to me of both the Matrix and Aliens. I have also heard the comparison to Dances with Wolves and this is also not entirely unwarranted, although a Dances with Wolves with a lot less depth of plot and characterisation. You can guess at the end game of Avatar from an early juncture and the characters in the film are somewhat weak and never properly developed. I therefore found myself not really caring about what happened to them. Sigourney Weaver's character is utterly superfluous and even the central character of paraplegic Jake, who rediscovers the joy of walking and running through the mechanism of his avatar (a concept that much more could have been made of), is sadly one dimensional. However this meant that I could forget about the plot and enjoy Cameron's visual feast.

I did find myself thinking about the film in terms of our treatment of our own planet and as a metaphor for the issues currently being discussed in Copenhagen and man's lack of respect for the Earth and inability to recognise the beauty around us whilst striving for apparent 'improvements'. However, I am not sure if this was Cameron's intent or my own desire to find deeper meaning.

In summary, I can't help but feel that the time and expense spent on the 3D could have been better used to develop the story and script but that said, the star of the show is the beauty and depth of Pandora and this alone is worth the entrance fee. If you can, go see, especially on the big screen, and in 3D if you wish. Whatever you choose. Go and enjoy.

My verdict 4/5 stars ****

Follow Friday

Thanks to @rickharwood for creating this for me this week. I am really touched, especially as it suggests he may have been reading this blog (and I thought it was just me that did that!)

Grandad

My Grandad is very ill, terminally ill in fact. Just typing that is difficult for me as it seems to make it more real. Seeing the word there on the screen.

He has smoked since he was 10 years old and for as long as I can remember has enjoyed a daily glass or three of whisky and so it is probably not surprising that he succumbed to cancer. It has been very quick to take hold too, in a little over two years he has gone from a relatively able-bodied man to his current helpless, bedridden state. The cancer has attacked his stomach and throat and following an operation in the Summer he now has to have all food and drink fed to him through a tube directly into his stomach. He cannot stand or walk and is entirely dependent on nursing staff and family members for everything.

My family all live abroad and I have therefore only seen Grandad three times this year, in February, May and October. At each visit, his condition had worsened and most markedly so in October. This week he has deteriorated further and at an alarming pace. I feel helpless at such a distance but visiting is not practical and I have already said my goodbyes in October. This seems cold and hard and part of me wants to rush out to see him and my family but my practical side, the side that always wins tells me there is nothing I can do and to wait. Instead I have Today packed up a parcel of Christmas presents to send by courier to my family. Inside are CDs of his favourite music which I really hope he will get to hear. Deep down I think I know that he wont. Packing this parcel and writing and sealing his card was heartbreaking.

I don't know how to end this post. I can't find the words to explain how I am feeling and seem to slip in and out of sharing the festive spirit all around me, the joy of colleagues leaving for the holidays and my Puppy greeting me when I return from work to overwhelming sadness. It's hard to accept that as awful as one persons existence may have become the rest of the world continues. Life goes on regardless. I realise that this happens somewhere in the world, every second of every day but its not until it effects you that this fact hits home.

I don't pray but you are in my thoughts Grandad, I love you.

"The big wheel keeps on turning
On a simple line day by day
The earth spins on its axis
One man struggles while another relaxes"

- Horace Andy

An Apology...to my Liver and others.

Last night I got a bit drunk. And when I say a bit, I mean quite a lot. 2 Leffes, 3/4 of a bottle of single malt and 4(ish) large tequilas drunk. There is a rather embarrassing video of part of the evening, video that I fully intend to destroy as soon as I can get my hands on a certain person's mobile, and also a few self-taken photos. I don't intend to share these with you. Partly because I haven't worked out how to do that here, but mostly because I don't want to lose you so soon. If you follow me on twitter you may have been witness to my drunkenness in the form of stupid tweets and lots of swear words (sorry). Anyway, I have no wish to relive the evening with you now. Suffice to say I am a silly drunk, very giggly and prone to do stupid things (I have in the past taken a cat into the shower and also made prank calls involving butternut squashes and a well known supermarket - but not on the same night, I do have my limits).

Anyway, the point of this post, is not to tell you about the evening but rather about the aftermath as miraculously there was no hangover and to give thanks for this. I fully expected to pay heavily this morning and be forced to spend the day in my jammies feeling sorry for myself. However, I was awake early (firstly at about 7.30am) and out of bed in time for the Andrew Marr Show. Not that I actually make a point of watching the Andrew Marr Show I just seem to end up in front of it every Sunday and have slowly worked out that the producers bank on their audience being blearly eyed and lacking in concentration (go on I dare you to watch it when fully alert, it's wishy-washy tosh). There was a slight headache and a mouth that felt like it was full of sand but nothing that a cuppa and toast with marmite and peanut butter couldn't sort out. Yes I eat marmite and peanut butter together on toast, what of it?! Don't knock it til you try it (but equally don't come complaining to me when you do! No, really it is nice.) So... to get back to the point, what I want to know is when and how I have developed the ability to drink like that and not suffer the following day? What I would have given for this when I was a student, particularly one memorable morning following my Graduation Ball. Does this happen to us all at a certain age or was I just lucky?

Perhaps my body decided I needed a break? Knowing my body like I do, I have to say this is highly unlikely. If there is a way to make me suffer, then my body usually gives it a go, just for the craic as they say. But perhaps, due to my current frame of mind, it decided that a hangover would be punishment too much. So I want to thank my body, in particular, my liver and let it know how much I appreciate the gesture. Tomorrow, I will recommence the mountain training regime (1 hour at least on the treadmill is hereby PROMISED) and I will eat healthily and avoid alcohol. This is how I will repay my liver.

And, more importantly, to those who had to endure me yesterday, both pre and during the drunkenness, I apologise if I cause offence in any way. I know I have upset at least one person, someone really special, and I am truly very sorry. I hope they can forgive me.

A Bad Day

Have you felt like a spectator to your own life? Lately I have. I have been acting in a way that I don't understand and experiencing feelings that I can't fully explain and the part of me that's living it probably has less of a clue than the part of me watching. I think I have also been a bit of a nightmare to know as I seem to spend a lot of time withdrawn from myself and therefore also from others. However, I am quite good at hiding this and pretending that everything is ok. I can be laughing and joking to the outside world while feeling like curling into a ball and crying on the inside. Deep down I know the cause of a lot of this and I know I am over-reacting, being melodramatic and probably just need a good kick up the arse. The biggest issue I have with myself is that I seem to hurt the people I care about the most and for this I am truly sorry. The feeling of detachment leads me to doubt myself and others around me and therefore to say and do things that I don't mean. Today, I have been having a bad day. One of those when I really shouldn't have bothered with the getting up and getting dressed business, let alone communicating or mixing with others. If you have had the misfortune to come into contact with me today, please excuse my mood and my miserable face and to those I have upset today, I am sorry.

The Mountain

I dreaded turning 30. I see it as a proper grown-up age. In your thirties you can't afford to keep putting off the having kids thing and you are also expected to have a career and be responsible and stuff. The scariest part was that I don't really know where my twenties went; one minute I was a 20-year-old undergraduate at university with no clue about council tax, mortgages, life insurance and all that shit and the next I was turning 30, married with a challenging yet stressful job, a three-bed semi and two cats. I don't regret any of this and am very happy with where my life has taken me. I am lucky to have a stable and mostly fulfilling job, a loving husband and lovely home but I am alarmed at how quickly the years passed. I am also alarmed at just how 'normal' and 'conventional' I am. I have done what society wants me to do, and while this is no bad thing I feel I need to challenge this in my thirties. So I have decided that my next decade will be more challenging, less conventional, less what 'society' might expect. I am going to stop doing what's wanted of me just to please others. Start thinking a bit more about what I REALLY want from life.

So, what have I done about this so far? (I turned 30 in April so have had 6 months of thirties) Well, I have only gone and signed up to climb a mountain; a Himalayan Mountain; a BLOODY big mountain. A 6476m mountain. Exciting and challenging yes but also very, VERY scary! This mountain expedition will take place in Spring 2011 and so gives me the kick up the arse I need to get into shape and to do something truly life-changing and memorable. The trip will also bring together a team of strangers who have met through Twitter and will lead to new friendships with people all across the globe. I am scaring myself with this as it is going to be HUGE and the fear of failure is immense but this is what I need to do. In fact, it is what we all need to do. No, not climb in the Himalayas, (we dont want to turn it into the next Benididorm) but we need to challenge ourselves and set huge targets. We need to fill our lives with exciting stuff and not get to the end of a decade wondering where the hell it went.

"Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe"

Anna Nallick, Breathe (2 AM)

Hello and welcome

Not entirely sure why I have started this. Mostly I think as an outlet in which to vent and record my thoughts and feelings so that I might be able to understand myself a little better. I recently 'accidentally' wrote a blog type thingy for someone on twitter and it has sparked by blog interest once more. So here I am.

What do I do now?

Do I state my intentions?

Weeeelllll, I can't promise I'll be a regular poster, nor that it'll be particularly fascinating but it WILL be random and it will probably range from angry, to silly with a little sentimentality thrown in along the way. I'll be amazed if anyone reads me anyway! So as it's just me reading: GET YOUR LAZY ARSE OFF THE SOFA AND GO FOR THAT RUN!!